i'm moving

...my blog. [kinda.]





see...i'm not really moving it, I'M just moving.

i'll keep this up in case i ever feel like coming back to it, but for the time being, you can read me over here.

20-second thoughts

-my legs are like jello.

-i like jello.

-jello is good.

-i need to stop reading wedding blogs.

-i love google reader.

-do i like google reader more than jello?

getting back on track[s]

why is being consistent in blogging so hard for me? no. strike that. why is being consistent in anything so hard for me?

i think my nature is such that i am easily distracted, which leads to a more permanent distraction from the end goal.

example: weight watchers [ww].

i started back in late september of last year. was soooooo dedicated and tracked everything. planned each meal, lost 11 pounds, handled trips out of town and birthdays dinners, and stayed "on point" until november 4. election day. yes, this is where - as i see it - it all went downhill. the mans and i ordered pizza and wings to celebrate an obama victory, and somewhere deep in the styrofoam container of ranch wings from valerios, i forgot that i was on weight watchers. like, permanently?

thanks, barack!

from there, it was bad news bears.

no tracking. no planning. no "on point" days.

i managed to make it through the holidays, through the new year, and well into my summer without really gaining any weight. and then ---- funnel cakes. corn dogs. barbecues and grad parties. the. busiest. summer. of. my. life. [foodwise and otherwise] seriously.

now, i'm not talking a gain of like 15 pounds. i'm talking two. pounds. yes. that's it. just two...but the same two pounds i'd battled with at the beginning of my ww journey.

in the spring, when i had [finally] been diagnosed as hypothyroid and having PCOS, i thought maybe medication would help me lose weight, as it had for others. it didn't. i thought the low-carb diet my doctor recommended would help me. it didn't. in fact, in two weeks without carbs of any kind (ANY KIND), i lost 0.3 pounds --- this in comparison to the 11 pounds i lost in one month of ww.

now, i've planned on rejoining ww and starting fresh. the only problem is, i can't seem to find my fresh start. somehow it's more difficult the second time around. it's as if i have permanent ww ADD [weight watchers ADD]. cannot concentrate on tracking. cannot concentrate on planning.

and i really, really want to. i'm done with making excuses. yes, my health issues have contributed to where i am today. but they're certainly not going to help me to get back to where i was.

all i want is some focus, some clarity, some consistency --- in ww and in life. and i'm not quite sure where to find it.

i've never really been a "find your inner strength" kind of girl. it all seems a bit too earth mother for me. but i need some inner strength.

those girls with way too much time [seriously, can i borrow some?] on the ww boards say that the plan works if you work it. so i guess this time, this one's on me.

oi vay!

so i know i'm a horrible blogger of any consistency. i post one or two blogs a day for about a week and then disappear for months at a time. my bad. i'm currently in the midst of the busiest, craziest, crazy-busiest summers of my life [to date].

so, as a recap, here's what i've been doing since may...

1. memorial day

[sweet grafixx!]

le boy and i hung out with my parents in the boro, munched on some hamburgers and hot dogs and did the all-american, memorial day gig. oh, and told lots of great stories and sat on the back deck and laughed a lot.

2. rachel's wedding

my cousin and her beloved were married the last sunday in may at the gorgeous riverside inn. i did the photo thing along with man-mans, and we took somewhere in the neighborhood of 2500 photos over the course of the weekend. needless to say, i spent a lot of time in photoshop that week. good times!

3. katie's shower/bachelorette

kate's arm. toxic?

celebrated with kate and a ton of old, beloved friends. it was one of the best nights out i've had in a long time, and so good to reconnect with people i've known for years and years, but haven't seen for years and years.

4. george w.

yea. he was here. and i wrote his intro. and i saw him. [and laura] and no matter how you or anyone else feels about him, it was pretty stinkin' cool. and following my utter exhaustion, i went to buffalo and got sick [completely unrelated to one another]. i had a disgusting cough for the next three-plus weeks that i'm just now beginning to shake.

5. 20th year celebration

[i'm getting tired of blogger's pictures function, so no more. sorry, folks.]

we celebrated my parents 20th [it's actually more like 23ish...] year at the church the last weekend in june. it was a great weekend. they had a roast for my parents on saturday night with all the current/former staff and elders. so many people came from so far away, including....

JUSTIN!

we planned justin coming home as a surprise many months ago, and somehow managed to keep it a secret all this time [well, pretty much]. good thing my parents are busy people and didn't notice jared's slip about making coffee for justin :) poor jared. he felt absolutely sick over it. but, like i said, they didn't even notice. it was a complete shock for both of them, and my mom cried, of course. and then i cried [of course]. my dad and the rest of the family were roasted, and well, i might add. it was a great night.

sunday morning, my uncle preached on what it means to be a leader.....and take a church from good to great [great book, btw]. my aunt, grandma, great aunt and uncle, and some old family friends made the trip to be there [my aunt and uncle all the way from atlanta], and be at the reception afterwards. the church gave us some really great gifts, including a really awesome backyard swing. we will get a lot of enjoyment out of that in the coming years.

6. fourth of july

another great weekend with the fam. jared and angie and tucker made the trip for the second time in a week, and i'm so glad they did. it was a great weekend of hanging out with one another, eating good food, and watching lots of episodes of "the office" as the weather was a little on the chilly side. [side note: can i get ONE saturday of 80 degrees and sunny? ONE?] we went to the annual picnic at the wursts and had a great time laying [napping] in the sun and watching le boy WIPE THE FLOOR with the other horse-shoe playing peeps. i was so proud.

7. cara's 30th bday

my dear friend cara celebrated her 30th yesterday and we got to celebrate along with her. i love sitting on the patio at calamaris and laughing with friends, especially on special days like yesterday.

8. roar on the shore

hasn't happened yet, but it's coming. next week, in fact. and i'll be there. and so will bret michaels. and warrant. you should be there too.

okay, so that's my summer so far. i know it doesn't sound as busy as it really is, but i've also got some other stuff in the works, helping man house-hunt and getting ready to celebrate with my friends jara and kenley in october in the 'ha [just got the dress today!]. [[[[and i'm the maid of honor, so that means big responsibilities, right j?]]]] and kate and chad's wedding. and rachel's second reception. so yes. it's busy.

i can't wait for august 1. i plan on taking a vacation day [hopefully a sunny one] and doing absolutely nothing but sitting in the sun and reading a book.

see you in a few...[months]....

derby day.

today is derby day.



perhaps it's uber-nerdy of me to look forward to this day each year, but i don't care. i'm learning to embrace it.

i spent part of my childhood [and adulthood] growing up in kentucky where, obviously, horse racing is life [as is basketball -- go cats!]. we didn't have a ton of money at the time...things were actually pretty scarce, what, with my dad being in school and all.

but not on derby day.

derby day was like a mini-holiday in our household. each year, we'd have our derby day dinner: juicy steaks, baked potatoes, and corn on the cob. the "cherry on top," so to speak, of derby day was dessert ---- strawberry shortcake. yummmm.

i'm not sure who decided the menu, or why it stuck, but the entire meal was extremely exorbitant for our family. it was a bright spot in our liver-and-green-beans diet.

we'd gather round our television. hear all the horses' backstories. sing "my old kentucky home" (mom would cry). [i'd] cringe as they loaded them into the starting gate ---- they never seemed to want to be in there --- and feel bad for the horses who had a millisecond to prepare (at six, you don't understand that being last is actually an advantage).

the gates would open. a pack of dust. horses. running. jockeys. roses.

and then it was over --- almost as quickly as it'd begun. the wait began for next year.



i almost feel like derby day is like life. sometimes it's as if we keep waiting for it to come, only to realize that it's [almost] over.

i don't want to live my life like that. i want it to be derby day all year round.

so tonight, i'll join my parents to watch the derby, eat steak [the rest is outlawed on south beach], cry when they sing "my old kentucky home," and remind myself that i don't have to wait for next year.



derby day -- my derby day -- doesn't have to be just once a year.

i've been had.

...by susan boyle.




call me a fool but i cry over that video every single time. and by every single time, i mean the couple (20 or so) times i've watched it. and when i say that video, i mean the entire clip --- not just the "open mouth, blonde woman raises her eyebrows" clip.


and it's not really susan boyle that makes me cry, but simon cowell.


when he says (paraphrasing with a british accent, mind you): "well, susan boyle, you can go back to your town with your head held high. it's three yesses." **and the music swells. the crowd goes wild. susan boyle jumps up and down like your grandma at silver sneakers.


and i cry.



many of the blogosphere (especially a particularly jaded group of bloggers on huffpo, which i adore) have tried to shred this spectacular clip of all its wonder.



"what's so great about susan boyle?"

"she's not that great --- i've seen better."



fools.



susan boyle "the voice" isn't what makes susan boyle "the video" great. it's the cynics. the doubters. the people who, i'm sure, teased her for her unsightly eyebrows and unforgiving pea-greenish shift dress. the people who made fun of her her entire life, in fact. the people who laughed at her --- and her dreams.


what makes susan boyle "the video" and susan boyle "the person" great is that she's the one who's laughing now. not to be too corny, dramatic or theatrical (a la les miserables), but her triumph is the triumph of anyone who was ever laughed at for the way they dressed, the way they looked, the way they dreamed.



THAT is what makes susan boyle so great.



her voice is good, yes. but there have been better.
her triumph is great, yes. but there have been greater.

her story, however, has moved even the most jaded (save a few) to tears.



including me (and possibly simon cowell).


...and THAT, my friends, is pretty great.




**i will note that my mother and i have questioned what it would have been like to have been in the audience, as so much of this "fanfare" was added in the editing room.

beachin' it

i've started the south beach diet. again.

i tried it once a couple of years ago and found it extremely difficult to maintain --- especially the first two weeks, which are absolute HELL.

i've done it partly to lose some weight, but mostly to manage my current health diagnoses. not to get into too much detail, but my body does not like carbs. being insulin resistant, i just don't handle them the way others can.

let me just tell you how much it hurts my heart [not literally] to give up carbs temporarily [to get rid of the sugar/carb cravings] and lower them permanently [to keep my TSH and insulin levels in check].

PAINFUL.

that being said, this time around it seems easier to maintain the two hellacious weeks of phase 1.  metformin, which i'm taking to help control my insulin and pcos symptoms, really does not like carbs. at all. sickness and vomiting ensue. thus, i feel as though i am more energetic, even though met makes me infinitely more sleepy.

i'm also hoping it will help me control my crazy mood swings. me = hormonal lunatic.

perhaps i'll blog my progress --- but i'm not making any promises. we all know how well photo-a-day turned out...

bride wars.

...NOT!

my bff jara is getting married. finally! she and k will tie the knot in october just a few days shy of my birthday. what a great present!

last night, j asked me to be her maid of honor. here's a blogaboutit.

here is a picture of jara on the eve of her wedding. siiiiiiiiiike. although i suppose it's part of my duties as MOH to monitor the bridezilla tendencies...you know, so we remain facebook friends and all :)

i am so happy for my dear friends. they are some of the funnest people i know and am so excited for them to stand up in front of the world (or 250 or so odd guests) and share what i already know: that they are 1) one hot-looking couple, 2) extremely blessed and 3) so lucky to already have what most people spend their entire lives searching for --- a mate that not only loves them but complements them so well.

congratulations!

[is this not the most frightening/poorly photoshopped wedding graphic ever?]

crazy eights.

i literally feel crazy as of late.

my hormones are completely out of whack, thus making everything else entirely out of whack. i shift from absolute joy to absolute despair within a matter of minutes.

depression is a symptom of PCOS --- and one of the many joys of this current season in life. i don't know that i'm truly depressed, however. more just in a state of constant flux and rollercoaster-like hormonal changes.

i know that it's beginning to take a toll on my relationships --- of all kinds.

i feel hopeless. then happy. then sad. then optimistic.

i'm the oxymoron who feels like a moron.

a girl with a thousand friends and none.

[who knew i could be so dark?]

icy.

i do not recommend drinking an iced cappuccino anytime after 4 p.m.

ode to j

today is my sweet lady j's birthday. i won't tell you how old she is because 1) she's only six months older than me and making fun of her age would only be delaying the inevitable 2) it doesn't matter and 3) did i mention that i'll be the same age soon? yay for nearing the big scary 3-0 and being more fabulous than ever!

jara is my best friend and such an important and cherished part of my life --- even if i don't get to see her as frequently as i did during college living across the hall from one another. when we do see each other, we get to do fun stuff like shop in chinatown or dance it up in pittsburgh. and laugh. a lot. and dance. more.

j - i hope you have a wonderful day. it was foolish of me to think that we would never be friends --- god always has his own plans for us! i'm so lucky to have a spectacular person like you in my life and trust that the next year will bring you unbelievable happiness. love you, friend. [see you in the 'ha].

v-day chicken.

absenteeism is a problem...especially around this blog.


photo-a-day in 2009? FAIL!
valentine's day chicken? aweeeeeeeesome.
[i'm now stocking up on roasting chickens --- 79 cents a pound at wegmans this week!]


happy belated v-day to all my valentines!